Panama, San Blas Islands, Coco Bandero Cays, Eastern Coco Bandero Cays – You may not be able to pronounce their names, but the islands here are beautiful

Your roving reporter is happy to tell you that the humans have taken me back to the beach.

We headed away from the mainland, and the few inhabited islands along it’s shores, and headed out to a group of Cays known as the Coco Banderas.

We started with the lovely anchorages on the eastern end of this group of reef encircled cays.  Notoriously busy, we found the anchorage almost deserted.

There is plenty of room to anchor in and around all the cays here.  You just have to get your tongue around all their names:

Guarfladup

Olosicuidup

Dupwala

Tiadup

Warsobguadup

You do not have to be able to pronounce their names to enjoy them.  And, if you have not guessed yet, ‘DUP’ means island in Kuna.

We can see why the area is normally so popular as the islands are lovely and the snorkeling very good.  We are going to ride out a batch of ‘slightly’ stronger winds in this lovely protected area for a few days.

Oh, the hardship.  Sundowner anyone?

VISITORS VIEW

There are few native Kuna restaurants and they are very far between. Given this you would think that when they do appear that they would be busy places where the locals would be keen to offer you the chance to sample all the best that locally sourced and cooked food can offer. Apparently not.

On the island and Narguana, you wander around and maybe, if you are lucky, you will notice that there are a few more plastic chairs than normal in or outside what appears to be a house. Closer inspection reveals that on an outer wall, in paint so faded that you almost need a forensic retrieval to make sense of it, there is a loosely painted motif or sign to indicate that it actually is a restaurant. You boldly sit down, asserting you would assume your position as a potential customer. Apparently not.

A group of women, usually sat in the corner though in direct eye line, will then ignore you. And not in a distant not catching your eye way. No, they look right at you and ignore you – apart from maybe talking about you between themselves. So you look in anticipation at them for a period of time that is culturally uncomfortable for your average Brit, thinking that, in their own time, they will come across and make an enquiry of you and start the customer purchase process. Apparently not.

So you smile and encourage the interaction, perhaps utilising your limited Spanish with an – ‘Ola’. Success, of sorts, a gruffled ‘Ola’ back. Would this get the purchase process going – apparently not.

So you look around for anything that resembles a menu or menu board – this being a restaurant that should, if the basic theory is followed, have some food or drinks to purchase. Apparently not. No such bold or innovative piece of merchandising here.

So you go for the follow up Spanish words you know – ‘Cerveza, gracias?’ with a suitably polite raised infliction to again start the customer exchange process. Success – of sorts. With an audible groan of effort one of the women will then prise themselves from their plastic chair. Move across and then flick a switch which turns some music on. Music to suit the calm late afternoon mood of the customers. Apparently not.

Eye shattering raga emerges from concealed speakers. Surely this is just an error with the volume button and the patron will adjust accordingly. Apparently not – the volume stays at a level designed to clearly drive you away and stop interluding on the conversation the ladies clearly wish to re-engage in.

The patron then moves ever heavily and with some resignation that you are clearly going to stay and purchase something to the rear of the restaurant and comes out with the beers. Pleasantly served in a glass for each of us? Apparently not.

Your beer arrives carried in the remnants of the cellophane and is dumped on your table. Perhaps followed by an enquiry as to whether you wish anything else? Apparently not.

The patron quickly turns away before you can ask any questions and returns to her ladies to continue talking to them.

And as you sip your beer with music blaring, the ladies talking and looking at you but offering no more you then see that a bowl of hot stew has been produced. Maybe a sample of their wares for you to try? Apparently not.

The bowl is promptly passed to what is most politely described as the most generously proportioned of the ladies who devours it at supersonic speed. Only to then be served a second bowl. it is at this point that the purpose of this restaurant seems to be to feed this woman. Maybe there is a competition at the fiesta this evening for the lady that can best mold her body shape to that of the plastic chair she is just about squeezed into?

And any chance of a second beer for us? Apparently not. At least not without starting this process all over again.

It is a remote place but I an sensing a business opportunity for a sales consultant here – and also further confirmation that the Brits really do need to learn to speak some other languages.